The MotherVerse Blog: mothering out loud

06
Apr

Another MotherVerse Update

And this one is not so positive. Due to financial and time contraints MotherVerse issue #9 will not be published. Rather than spreading potentially false hope that I may be able to put out the issue in the next few months, I am putting MotherVerse on full hiatus - at least for now.

I know many of you will not be pleased by this news, but I can assure you that I am as always committed to publishing the wonderfully varied global mother writing and art that MotherVerse has brought you for 4 years. I hope to soon find a way for MotherVerse to evolve into a stronger (and perhaps wiser) publication and relaunch - so check back once in while.

All subscribers and waiting contributers will be notified soon by email or snail mail as well and any needed refunds will be offered. Please be patient on response times to email, I have been receiving many “What’s going on with MotherVerse” emails and am terribly behind on responding to them all.

Thanks so much to everyone for all your support!!!! And I will hopefully have some word soon on a possible MotherVerse relaunch.

All Best,

Melanie

Posted in All Posts by: Melanie Mayo-Laakso, MotherVerse Editor

Author's Biography: Melanie Mayo-Laakso is the mother to one astounding 4 year old girl and founding editor of both MotherVerse Magazine and The MotherVerse Blog: Mothering Out Loud. She lives and works in Northern Minnesota. 1 Comment

05
Mar

Just Breasts.

Nervously I sit across from my doctor while she looks over the lab results from the recent blood draw. I see her eyebrows go up; she glances at me then back down onto the sheet of paper in front of her.

There is probably nothing wrong with me whatsoever and all my symptoms are just psychosomatic I say to myself. For months now I have been feeling tired, drained and out of sorts. As hard as I tried sucking it up, I was just not myself anymore. My fascination with the lives of women during the frontier era didn’t help either. Reading about those women having half a dozen or so baby’s while working in the fields, feeding the family in conditions that were harsh and lonely made me feel guilt when I struggled to get out of bed. These women gave birth and where out and about the next day working in the fields and here I am getting up in the morning, stumbling to the coffee maker, exhausted before the day has even begun. After a week of panic attacks and a fainting spell my husband insists that I go see a doctor.

“You have Lyme disease.” The doctor interrupts my thoughts. She takes a deep breath. “You also have Mononucleosis again as well as audio immune thyroid disease.”

She continues. “Your lab result show severe vitamin deficiencies as well as signs of adrenal fatigue syndrome. The lining of your stomach is infected and your white blood cell count is much too high.”

“Holy fucking shit!”

Ok so I didn’t actually say that or at least not all of it. The doctor laughs. “That’s what I would be saying too.” She responds. “You have not been taking care of yourself!”

Damn right I haven’t been taking care of myself. My family comes first, always has; the children, the husband, the house, the dog and garden etc. Super mom, yep that was me, till it came back and bit me in the butt.

I am now living with the consequences of having ignored my own body. We all hear it; if you don’t take care of yourself you can’t take care of your family. But that is not quite true. If you are like me and so many other moms that I know you will push yourself regardless of how you feel. Your family is well taken care of but you are a physical and emotional wreck. You will take care of your family no matter what it takes because not doing so will make you feel guilty.

“Deny yourself, pick up your cross, and follow Me.” Luke 9:23. The words of Christ have followed me throughout my life.

I am a good example of someone who had picked up their cross and was running with it but now the cross has fallen and I have become trapped under it.

So I am slowly learning to pay more attention to my own needs. I take more pills in one day then I did the whole of last year combined and give myself shots several times a week. I actually manage to take naps most afternoons and have decided to weaned my four year old.

Sitting on my couch with the little one the other day I am discussing with him that mama cannot nurse him anymore. He takes his little hands and lifts up my shirt to see for himself. Just then my seven year old walks by.

He glances at the little one and says, “Yup..now they are just breast!”

You know what, he is right! Now they just are breast and I am going out and buying me something lacy to put them in.

Posted in All Posts by: Judith

Author's Biography: Though born in Germany to German parents, Judith Kuegler Webster grew up among tribal communities in Nepal and Indonesia. Her interest in creating art began at a very early age and to this day her art reflects her life in the jungle. After completing two A levels in Cardiff, Wales, Judith moved to Hamburg, Germany to begin art college. In 1994 she moved to the USA to continue her studies in art and psychology. She now lives in North Carolina with her husband and two sons. No Comments

20
Feb

Call for Submissions- Clark/Anderson Birth Stories Anthology

From Carole Clark and Chelsie Anderson
SUBMIT YOUR BIRTH STORY FOR AN UPCOMING ANTHOLOGY!

Looking for any and all stories; home births, hospital births, c-section, vaginal deliveries, miscarriages.

The aim of this project is to create a dialogue for women and their partners surrounding birth.

Please submit a photo along with your story (optional). Include your name, phone # and email address.

Email submissions/ questions to:

submityourbirthstory {at} gmail.com

We look forward to hearing from you!

~ Carole and Chelsie

Posted in All Posts, MotherVerse, Submission Calls by: Melanie Mayo-Laakso, MotherVerse Editor

20
Feb

MotherVerse Back on Track

Hello everyone!

Yes, MotherVerse has been off track in the last few months for more reasons than one, and I appreciate everyone’s emails encouraging me to keep it going - even if it was in the form of “where the heck is my subscription”. However, MotherVerse is back on track now and you can expect to receive the next issue in April. We will also be launching a redesign of the site around that time and are on the lookout for some section editors for a new mini online mag to complement the print version. If you are interested and have a passion for writing/editing on a mom related topic pro bono please email me at editor [at] motherverse.com and let me know.

If you have a submission in with us and have not heard back, please be patient. I will be going through those as quickly as I can and will get back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you all for your endless support! I hope we will all be working together again soon.

Posted in All Posts by: Melanie Mayo-Laakso, MotherVerse Editor

14
Feb

MotherVerse Interviews Caroline Grant and Elrena Evans

A Conversation With Caroline Grant and Elrena Evans, Authors of Mama Phd: Women Write About Motherhood and Academic Life

I had the chance to catch up with Mama, PhD authors Caroline Grant and Elrena Evans recently to chat about the book, motherhood and future projects. There are so many stories and experiences here that are sure to resonate deeply with everyone, Mama PhD, or not.

Elrena made a statement about how the book started off as a conversation and grew and continued as the readers began to participate at book tours, etc. I find this so appropriate-don’t all books start off as some sort of conversation? To oneself, the reader, whoever?
It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience doing this and I hope you, the reader, find it equally enjoyable.
For more information on Mama PhD ( including tour dates, readings, and reviews) visit the website: http://www.mamaphd.com/. Caroline Grant can be found at Food For Thought http://foodthought.org/ and at Literary Mama writing her column, Mama at the Movies http://www.literarymama.com/columns/mamaatthemovies/.

Elrena Evans can be found at http://www.elrenaevans.com/ as well as at Literary Mama’s Me and My House column: http://www.literarymama.com/columns/meandmyhouse/

MV: How did Mama PhD get from IDEA to PUBLICATION?
Caroline: Well, it took nearly two years—how much space do you have?! But the gradual process worked for us—it let us each move houses and have more kids and start two of them in school—we tinkered away at the book slowly sometimes, when the schedule allowed; but when we had deadlines, we stayed up past our bedtimes and typed while nursing and read while nursing and thought about edits and contracts and marketing plans while we were driving carpool or playing trains or cooking dinner.
But that’s not quite what you asked, is it?! That’s how we fit the work in to our mothering. The writer’s answer is that the idea came up while we were emailing about Elrena’s Literary Mama submission, and then we made sure the book didn’t exist already, and then we started to brainstorm what we wanted the book to be, wrote up a call for submissions, and sent it to all the writers we knew. Once we had a good group of essays, we prepared a proposal with a selection of essays, the table of contents, our introduction and other materials, and sent that around to about a dozen publishers. We had two offers for the book, and made our decision based on a number of factors: our correspondence with the editor who wanted to acquire the book, the publisher’s assurance that they would price the book under $20, and their ability to get it into the hands of our academic readers.
Elrena: I’ll add to that by saying that, for me at least, it was very much a learn-as-you-go process. The Literary Mama submission Caroline referenced was the first piece of writing I’d ever submitted (despite holding an MFA in creative writing!) so I couldn’t have been much more of a neophyte. And all of a sudden we were talking about a book. I remember thinking that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, but I was at a transitional point in my life anyway, so…why not? Then at each stage in the process we’d do some research—what should a call for submissions look like? what needs to be included in a proposal?—and then turn right around and apply it to the book. It wasn’t until people started asking us for help on other book proposals and we heard how much we had to say that we started to realize just how much we had learned.
MV: In culling through the essays, was there any one in particular that affected you personally?
Caroline: When people ask me how we chose the essays, I always say that we chose the essays that made us cry, and the ones that made us laugh. And I have read these essays many, many times now, and they still touch me the way they did when I first put each one in the “Yes” pile. Leah Bradshaw writes about falling asleep nursing her daughter, and waking to find that a window has blown open and they are dusted with snow— it’s an image of the universal absorption and exhaustion of new motherhood that has stayed with me. I quote the title of Libby Gruner’s essay, “I Am Not A Head On A Stick,” all the time, since it sums up so succinctly the prevailing attitude women are challenging in academia. And I love the affirmations in the essay “Momifesto;” there are two in particular that thrum through my head, depending on my mood: “You are maternally beautiful” and “You can promote motherhood professionally, and it is a political statement.”
Elrena: I read through the bulk of our submissions in the first few days after my son was born, (don’t ask me why, it seemed like a good idea at the time!) so I was pretty affected by anyone writing about having a baby, or nursing, or anything else I could even remotely apply to my situation. What I found, though, was that I saw bits and pieces in each essay we ultimately chose that spoke directly to me. Now, these essays have embedded themselves so deeply in my brain that I often find myself thinking of passages—kind of like the way that song lyrics off of a really good album stick in your mind. Rosemarie Emanuele writes about other mothers helping her to see that her child was not a “behavioral outlier,” I think of that phrase when my children have tantrums; Anjalee Deshpande Nadkarni writes of her life that “every day is a risk and a possibility,” I think that’s a great quote first thing in the morning!
As Caroline and I have been touring around the country promoting the book we’ve had the privilege to meet several of our contributors, and hear them read their pieces. This has affected me deeply—there’s something about hearing the essays in their author’s voices that I find incredibly moving. I realized this when we were giving a reading in New York and I was slated to read after Susan O’Doherty—just reading her essay as text on a page undoes me, and I realized (too late!) that listening to her read it was going to be even more emotional. So I’m sitting there crying, and thinking there was no way I was going to be able to get up and read after her, and of course I didn’t have any tissues…fortunately, Caroline was sitting next to me and she did have tissues! And I pulled myself together and was (mostly) fine, but it’s really incredible, not only to read the stories our contributors have shared, but to hear them in their voices.
Caroline: This has been the best, most unanticipated bonus of doing readings for me, too: hearing our contributors read their essays has been revelatory. The funny anecdotes are funnier, and the moving sections are all the more poignant when the words are embodied.
MV: How has the response been to the book generally?
Caroline: It’s been wonderful—and by that I mean not simply that people are praising the book (though they are), but that people are really reading it carefully, and asking good questions about issues raised in the book. It’s been tremendously gratifying to do readings at bookstores and on campuses, and I find I read less and less of my own essay, to allow more time for discussion.
Elrena: I’ll second that—we’ve begun each event by saying that this book started out as a conversation, a conversation that’s now continuing and growing as our readers get a chance to participate. Hearing these stories, hearing what other women—and men!—have to bring to the table, has been wonderful.
MV: You’ve both been busy promoting this book via blog tours, readings, etc. What sort of responses are you getting at the readings from the crowd? Anything surprising or particularly memorable? What kind of people are you attracting?
Caroline: In New York City, a woman came to our reading with her partner and their baby. I noticed them because the couple was taking turns holding the baby, walking him out of the room when he needed, and they were generally making it look very easy to attend a quiet reading with a little baby, and I wanted to compliment them—because I know that often when parenting looks easy, it’s because the parents are working pretty hard! So I spoke to them after the reading, and the baby’s mother told me she is a graduate student in a program where she’s felt the need to keep her baby a secret. And I’m still so sad about this. We think things are changing for women in higher education, but we have a long, long way to go.
Elrena: At one of the readings there was a young man in the room, whom I noticed right away because he was the only guy there. He asked a question at the end of our discussion time about balancing fatherhood and a PhD, two things he felt might also be complicated by the fact that he was a minority, and someone with a disability. I listened to him talk and was really touched—he was neither a father nor a PhD student, but he was thinking ahead, wanting to be both, and wondering how he was going to make it all work given his particular circumstances. I wanted more than anything to be able to say to him yes, you can make this all work, and the academy will be on your side all the way…but I knew I couldn’t. I’m hoping through books like Mama, PhD and through all the conversations and work being done on these issues, he and so many others like him will indeed be able to make it all work.
Caroline: And this reminds me of another man who came to a reading, who said his wife was a graduate student; he told us that hearing the essays made him understand for the first time her hesitancy about starting a family, and that he was looking forward to reading the book with her and talking it over. I certainly don’t want anyone not to have the family they want because of the stories in the book, but I was grateful for his thoughtful reaction, and his willingness to understand the particular challenges that women face.
MV: The one thing that sticks in my head after reading the book is this passage from Susan O’Doherty’s The Wire Mother: “One elderly male gynecologist had admonished me, ‘You career girls do this to yourselves. You want to do everything men do—maybe you want to be men. When you’re ready to grow up and be a mother, you won’t have this problem.’ ”

Unfortunately, this opinion isn’t just confined to elderly male gynecologists. Do you think we will ever get beyond this type of thinking as a society?
Elrena: In a recent interview that Caroline and I did with Andrea O’Reilly of the Association for Research on Mothering, we talked about the need to change our cultural view of motherhood. This kind of thinking that you cite, I believe, is rooted in a fundamental inequality that perceives men and men’s (traditional) work as “more than” and women and women’s(traditional) work as “less than.” If we could move past that, if we could learn to see both conventional paid employment and the often unpaid work of care-giving as two halves of the same whole, I think we could start to move past this notion of women wanting to do men’s work (or vice-versa) and begin to see all people, as we say in our introduction, “working out as we go along how to be whole people.”
Caroline: And perhaps, though this is going to make me sound more capitalist than I really am, we need to seriously investigate paying women for their mothering by contributing to Social Security during the years that they opt out of the work force to raise their children. Miriam Peskowitz, who wrote the foreword to Mama, PhD, writes about this idea in her book, The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars; I read this not long after I had received my first Social Security statement which had a big zero in the earnings column, and I have the passage in Miriam’s book underlined and starred.
MV: What was the best/worst advice you received as a Mama-to-be-PhD?
Caroline: I tell this anecdote in my essay for the book, but a colleague told me to read Naomi Wolf’s Misconceptions. And it might have been fine advice, maybe, but because she suggested this while tapping on my pregnant belly and quizzing me about my OB’s c-section rate, I’ll just never be able to read the book. I can’t.
The best advice I got when I was pregnant was to put my feet up.
Elrena: The worst “advice” I received when I was pregnant in graduate school wasn’t so much one person’s advice, but more of an overriding, tacit expectation that I felt from the university culture at large—that the baby wouldn’t interfere with my studies. That my pregnant body wouldn’t interfere with my brain, that my pregnancy complications didn’t merit so much as an extension on a paper, that I’d be able to keep on once the baby was born, as if she wasn’t even there, or obviously there was something wrong with me.
The best advice I’ve received—not as a PhD student, but from Caroline, while working on this book!—is to really acknowledge the physicality of pregnancy and childbearing and nursing and mothering. “You are growing a person with your body,” Caroline’s reminded me several times, and when I really stop to think about it, that’s amazing. Leslie Leyland Fields also writes about this in her essay in the book, how her cells “furiously conjure out of my own body’s matter another whole spirit, mind, body.” I think that puts everything into perspective when my brain is fuzzy or I’m frustrated with myself for being tired—I am growing, nourishing, sustaining, people.
Caroline: I should add, that reminder comes from my husband, Tony, who started saying that to me when I was pregnant with our older son, Ben, and commuting two hours a day to teach at Stanford, and fretting about whether I would manage to stay in my job long enough (six months, or 2 weeks before my due date) to earn maternity leave and wondering whether I would even return to teaching after my leave. I was exhausted and emotional and overwhelmed, and Tony would sit me down and look me in the eyes and remind me of the central thing—this person growing inside me—and for a moment or two everything else would really fall away.
Elrena: Your comment about Tony makes me think that if I was going to give advice to a Mama-to-be-PhD, it would be to have a good partner! My husband, Bill, is currently baking brownies with my children while I write….
MV: What is your opinion on the forthcoming Obama administration? Do you think the issues of women, children and family will take more precedence/receive more positive attention in Obama’s administration? Do you think that attention will be enough to repair damages done by the current administration?

Caroline: I’m hoping Obama has 8 years in office, because he has a lot of work to do, and I’m discouraged that he’s inherited an economic disaster which is going to make his job so much harder. Still, I think family issues have to get more notice now, from all of us, because for the first time in so long we have a young family in the White House. But honestly, although I won’t downplay the president’s importance, the kinds of small changes we are talking about (standardized benefits policies for graduate students, for example) can be enacted by university administrators. And the kinds of big changes we are talking about – recognizing and valuing the work that mothers do for our society– are cultural changes that come slowly. So I think it’s important that we all keep doing the work we do, and making sure our children understand how valuable it is, and society will come around. Luckily I have learned from my children how to be patient.
Elrena: I agree that all change happens best if it occurs simultaneously from the top down, and from the ground up. Family-friendly policies are wonderful, but if the culture doesn’t value the work that parents do, if the culture doesn’t value its own children, those policies won’t take us very far. I’m hoping for a much better future, for my children, for all children. Libby Gruner has a line in her essay where she says “I’m an Episcopalian: the only kind of change I really believe in is incremental”— I’m an Episcopalian, too, but hopeful that incremental changes for the better won’t move too slowly.
MV: Any projects you’re working on that you’d care to talk about?
Caroline: Why, yes! I’m working on a project with Mama, PhD contributor Lisa Harper, an anthology called Learning to Eat, which is a collection of essays about how we learn—and re-learn—to eat, and how we teach our kids about food and develop a community around the table. It’s not a how-to—I’m not very good at advice-giving—but a series of pieces that consider the daily habits and practices that make up family food culture, and reflect on what food means in our lives and for our families. And it does include recipes, because I have always secretly wanted to write a cookbook. Maybe someday I will, but for now it’s an anthology of sharp, funny and poignant essays, with a set of very personal, quirky recipes.
Elrena: I’m finishing up final edits on a short story collection called This Crowded Night, forthcoming from DreamSeeker Books. The collection tells the stories of ten women from the New Testament Gospels—some of whom are mentioned in the Gospel texts, some of whom are my own invention—as they encounter Christ. My idea when I began writing the stories was to try and show something of the full range of experiences I imagine women having with these encounters; for some, meeting Christ is a life-changing experience, for others, it’s a soon-forgotten blip on the screen, for still others, they end up openly resenting the experience. What I realized as I wrote is that so many of the issues my characters face, in this radically different time and place, aren’t all that different from the issues women are still facing today.
Caroline: I think reading Elrena’s stories puts our book in a nice historical context; there are some universal challenges mothers will always face, but when it comes down to it, I know I have more opportunities available to me than my grandmother did. I can’t help but be optimistic about the future.

Posted in All Posts by: krisunderwood

Author's Biography: Kris Underwood is a poet, mother and writer. Some of my writing/poetry can be found at MomWritersLitMag previous issues of MotherVerse, Literary Mama and others. I also blog at Writing In The Mountains , my personal blog and Moms Speak Up. I can also be found at Green Mom Finds and at Mom Writers Literary Magazine as the Writer's Resource Editor as well as Cover Editor. No Comments

06
Jan

Mothers in Love (Lust?) with Edward Cullen

One benefit of having been consumed by kids for years and being out-of-touch with pop culture is that when I finally got clued in—as I just have to the Twilight series of vampire novels by Stephenie Meyer—I didn’t have to wait for the next book, or for the movie release, etc. All things Twilight are available and ready for this latecomer’s delight. (The same thing happened to me with Harry Potter. When he first arrived I was crazed by a demanding job and then overwhelmed by babies. I didn’t have the time or brain cells for reading long books.)

If, like me, you are essentially a Twilight virgin, here’s a quick introduction: The books are about the relationship of teenage vampire Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, the very human object of his affection and desperate desire. Seventeen-year-old Edward (who’s really about 100 years old) and his vampire family are “vegetarians.” (Although they crave human blood, they believe it’s wrong to kill people and instead feed off the blood of animals.) Edward, who hasn’t had a girlfriend in his entire life, falls hard for Bella, an actual 17-year-old girl and classmate at the high school he attends. The four books—Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn—follow the travails of their forbidden, passionate, yet essentially chaste, love.

(Note: I tried to upload an image from the movie, so you can see the characters, but I can’t get it to work. Readers/Bloggers: Feel free to add a picture if you know how to.)

The books were written for teenagers, specifically teenage girls. But as I’ve learned from my friends, and experienced myself over the past four weeks, “moms” like me have fallen obsessively in love with Edward Cullen.

My friend Erin, a 44-year-old stay-at-home mother of five, has had fights with her preteen and teenage daughters over the books they share. (“It’s my turn to read it!”) Erin bought advanced tickets to the movie and, after convincing me to read the first novel, was my enthusiastic date and a repeat moviegoer the night I finally went to see Twilight.

Beth, a thirtysomething stay-at-home mother of two small children, saw the movie twice in 24 hours, having long before fallen in love with the books—and Edward. (If you have time, check out Beth’s super blog at www.totalmomhaircut.com and read her Twilight and other entries.)

My ob/gyn even confessed to reading all of the books and having a girls-only movie night with her sister when the film debuted.

In the past month I’ve read all four books and seen the movie. Now I’m revisiting parts of the first novel. My husband looks at me in disbelief as I come to bed at midnight and then stay up until as late as 2 a.m. reading and (now) rereading the books.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asks. “It’s like you’re in love with a fictional character.”

My response: “He’s just such a good boyfriend.”

Although Edward Cullen could easily be described as an obsessive, controlling boyfriend, Bella doesn’t feels that way about him. (And because she doesn’t, I don’t either.) Edward loves Bella enormously and protects her constantly. He cooks for her, even though he doesn’t eat. He cuddles her to sleep at night, even though he never sleeps. He’s smart, thoughtful, well-mannered, devoted and despite Bella’s pleading that they go all the way he won’t because he’s afraid he might hurt her. (Vampires are very strong.) And, as it’s later revealed, he’s fearful of premarital sex.

Edward might get some of his morality from his creator, author Stephenie Meyer, a stay-at-home Mormon mom of three sons. (But in reality, how accepted and successful would a book series for teenagers be if the main character was having wild sex with a vampire? The kids might like it but parents would howl.) In a way, Meyer has created the boyfriend we’d wish for our daughters and the gentlemanly son we’d be proud to call our own—even if we’d jump right into the sack with this awesomely handsome vampire ourselves. (In the movie, Edward is played by the strikingly beautiful British actor Robert Pattinson, formerly Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.)

The other connection the book likely makes for many us older gals is that it takes us back to when we were 17, or whatever younger-than-now age we were when we had obsessive crushes, when the cute guy we watched from afar actually spoke to us (or didn’t), when we first fell for someone who felt the same about us.

Erin, who has read the books multiple times and has seen the Twilight movie twice, has taken to searching the Internet for scenes from the film and video clips created by fans. Like Beth, she’s trying to not pay for another movie ticket and instead hold out until the DVD is for sale.

I’m working on putting the books (and Edward?!) aside and getting back to my life and the reading I need to do (for work, for my book group). I’m having limited success.

Have you read the books? Seen the movie? Are you similarly smitten? Or, since we’re taking vampires here, have you been similarly bitten?

****

P.S. A thank you to fellow MotherVerse blogger Kris Underwood for putting me on the cover of Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine, a publication she helps write and edit. Kris wrote about that issue in earlier posts on this blog. Thanks, too, to MotherVerse editor Melanie Mayo-Laakso, for publishing my essay, “Mourning My Belly,” last spring. The article, a personal essay about my post-twins body, led to an assignment for a larger, reported piece that appears in the current issue of Brain,Child magazine, the editors of which asked me to write about the “Mom Job” trend in which plastic surgeons are marketing boob jobs, tummy tucks and liposuction to post-partum women.

I’m very appreciative of all three of these independent magazines for smart mothers. Although, for all of our sakes, I wish these intelligent journals had the circulation and advertising support of the more generic, “traditional” (I don’t want to name names) parenting and women’s magazines that continue to rule the roost.

Posted in All Posts by: Melissa Stanton

Author's Biography: Prior to becoming a stay-at-home mother of three (a boy and twin girls), Melissa Stanton was a senior editor at People and LIFE magazines. She is the author of The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-tested strategies for staying smart, sane, and connected while caring for your kids (Seal Press, 2008). A New York native, she now lives in a rural suburb outside of Washington D.C. She can be contacted via her website www.stayathomesurvivalguide.com or by email to sah_survivalguide@yahoo.com. 3 Comments

16
Dec

New Traditions, Old Christmas

“I do it, Mommy!” ordered my independent toddler.

“Ok, ok.” I replied.

After my short tempered red-headed 2-year old finished putting on her Christmas tights from Grandma she took one look at me and b-lined it for the living room. Too late for a reaction and a gentle tackle, I allowed her to have one last jaunt around the kitchen before I dressed her in green taffeta and polka dots for her trip to see Santa at the local mall.

She knows of this man with a beard and black leather gloves. She knows that she can tell him what she wants for Christmas. She knows she is supposed to sit pretty on his lap and pose for pictures, but does she really know who Santa is. I guess as parents we try and create mystery and build excitement all December long. We hide stuffed horses under our beds and in closets in order to build anticipation for Christmas morning. We hang twinkle lights on evergreens and dangle ornaments made of clothespins and cotton balls from their branches. Building traditions for our children is what we do as parents. We remember how we spent Christmas as kids and mirror only our good memories and create some new ones of our own.

I took this day off work only to avoid the mall crowd and to spend some much needed undivided time with my baby girl. As I expected, there was a light crowd with the usual mall walkers and stay-at-home mom’s. When I found the temporary throne Santa was perched on, we walked hand-in-hand through the windy man-made maze to the front of the line. My plan worked perfectly. We were third in line squeezed in between two families. Yep, I said families. What a dichotomy. One single mama and her toddler forced to witness the most idealistic Christmas traditions; two-parent families visiting Santa, together.

Behind us, mom was busy brushing her daughter’s hair to prep it for a pony tail and bow, while dad (might I add, tall, dark and handsome) cared for the newborn nestled in his Graco car seat dressed head to tow in a red sleeper with bells on the tips of his toes. In front of me, was a young mom and her 3 year old little boy. We smiled at each other and she commented on G’s beautiful Christmas dress. I politely said thank you and so did G. But Before I knew it, her husband greeted both of them with a Strawberry Jamba juice and a kiss. I slid my left hand discreetly in the pocket of my jeans and inched forward in line.

I am so newly divorced, hurt and somewhat ashamed, I still long for the mom, dad and child façade. I do not miss the relationship my ex and I had towards the end; I miss the family that we created. The decision that we both made together to start a family and build traditions of our own.

We made it to the front of the line after a few day dreams and awkward glances. I needed to focus. I needed to erase the old memories of Christmas past and start new ones of my own. Starting with the real reason why I am standing in line to see Santa.

I could see the anticipation and excitement screaming out of her eyes as I wiped her runny nose and tightened her red hair tie.

“Are you ready to tell Santa what you want for Christmas?” I asked.

“Ah, huh,” She answered quietly. I could tell she was nervous.

One of Santa’s elves’ approached us and motioned towards my daughter. Without hesitation, my lady jogged towards Kris Kringle and, literally, hopped onto his knee. I was prepared to pose with her so she would stop crying, or pay for a tear filled Santa picture, but it happened to be the exact opposite.

I stood back behind the camera and witnessed my only child fill Santa in on what she wanted for Christmas, a puppy. This is funny to me because we own a pure bread, 70 pound Boxer named Sonny. Apparently, he isn’t fulfilling her canine needs at the moment. She carried on her conversation with Santa like she has known him for years. She asked to touch his beard and looked fiercely into the camera. Strange as it is, I was proud. She didn’t cry, run away or refuse to sit atop his knee. In fact, she made some demands and I even got a good picture.

I paid for my over priced digital photo and walked away from the first holiday memory we created together as a new family.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Posted in All Posts by: mflynncoffield

Author's Biography: Missy is a 27 year old single mom living and breathing (well, trying at least) in the suburbs outside the Twin Cities in Minnesota. She has just recently re-joined the work force after staying at home for almost a year to raise her daughter. Missy and her toddler, Grace, have two hairy, four legged roommates named Oscar and Sonny who spend more time licking the peanut butter off Grace’s face than chasing their tails. In order to keep the lights on, Missy works for a large earth-friendly beauty company while the creative side of her brain enjoys taking pictures of her pigeon toed red-head, writing in her journal religiously, and catching up on the latest celebrity gossip. She is currently working on her blog to document her experiences on being a newly single mom living in Middle America, changing diapers, dating (again), divorce, laundry and reality TV shows. No Comments

01
Dec

Finding Natural and Made in the USA Gifts!

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With holiday shopping underway finding natural, sustainable and USA made gifts is at the top of many of our lists. To make the search a bit easier check out Mothering Magazine’s “Holiday Gift Wrap Up”. The Wrap Up includes a myriad of great and responsible shops for you to buy at this year. Many of the listings even include coupons! Check out the gift guide here. I also highly suggest The Natural Toy Box, this WAHM offers wonderful natural options and and three classes of USA made toys!

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Posted in All Posts by: Melanie Mayo-Laakso, MotherVerse Editor

20
Nov

Hip Mama’s Having A Fiction Contest!

It’s time to make something up!

For all of you beautiful liars out there- Hip Mama is gonna be breaking some fresh ground and doing a Short Story Contest judged by Kerlin Richter and Ariel Gore.

First Prize is $100, your Short Story as the feature in issue 44, the Creativity issue, along with a profile and picture of your brilliant self, AND a Lifetime Subscription to Hip Mama (we don’t even sell lifetime subscriptions anymore).

Ten runners up will get a four issue subscription, their names and story titles in the zine and their full stories will be published online.
what about?

Write any short story you want. Just make sure there is a Mama in there somewhere. It can be any genre, any style, from any ol’ point of view. The only rule for content is:

THERE MUST BE A MAMA IN THE STORY.
how long?

Keep it under 2500 words.

where to?

The best way is to attach your story as a word document and e-mail it to hipmamazine@gmail.com. In the subject line write ‘Short Story Submission’ and your name.

Mail it old school to P.O Box 12525, Portland OR 97212.
how much?

$25 per story entry fee, or splurge and for $60 and I will mail back your story with comments.

You can pay the at hipmamashop.com. Make sure to include your receipt number in your e-mail. Or, mail a check payable to Hip Mama with your entry.

by when?

Deadline for Entries is April 1st 2009.

Comments will be mailed to you by May 30th.

Posted in All Posts by: krisunderwood

19
Nov

Recent Work

My final show of the year 2008 has come and gone. All the excitement, anxiety and stress are over with, at least until the next show in early spring! It’s been an interesting year in the art world. With the economy struggling, it’s been difficult for many artists to make a living. But it is also an exciting time. Change is in the air! Who knows what next year will bring? I am choosing to stay optimistic. Regardless of what will happen in this world I will never stop creating. It is part of me and always will be!

“There’s no retirement for an artist, it’s your way of living so there’s no end to it.”

Henry Moore